we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
