I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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