I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
