I'm lost and stupid without you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We need to rekindle our bromance
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
