I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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