So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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