I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
