so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I could fuck to npr.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
