he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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