My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You have to summon your inner elephant
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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