she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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