I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
