Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
