Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That accounts for only three of the penises
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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