ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
