Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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