you have to choose: penises or morals?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
