I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
