I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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