Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
