the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
