They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
