Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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