Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
