I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
