Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
