My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
