thus making me awesome and them whores
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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