evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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