I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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