You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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