Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I will die if light touches me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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