So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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