Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
