My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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