I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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