Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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