He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
