Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
