Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
