Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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