Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
