I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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