The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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