i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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