He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
