he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
