Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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