He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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