Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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