why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
