when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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