We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
