My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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