is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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