Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
