How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
