maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
