theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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