i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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