god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
