I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
