Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
