Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
