does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
