Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
