new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
