hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
