It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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