fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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