Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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